As the holiday passes by, I came to accept the loneliness it bring when your family is out of time. No pointless and annoying shouting all around, no whining about what you do or not do. Nobody drilling you around. At first it felt quite pointless, especially in the morning. Waking up, knowing there is not much you can look out for except for some brown bread, beautifully toasted with cheese and ham in between. And of course, the night, that always brings some good excitement.

I like it, being on my own. No one around except for my cats, whom only need feeding in the morning.


I'm becoming more independant. Independant of family, that's for sure. But also independant of my friends. I know that I will always need friends, and that I love to spend time with them, of course, but I've also come across ways to enjoy myself without them. Even though I do prefer drinking a few beers in bar with mates, than spending my time writing late in the evening, or doing other stuff. I like writing, that isn't the problem.


Also, and this is trully important, I have found myself a penname. And with that, a new DA account. ~DaveMoody. I have written the reasons and stuff in the first journal on that account. I'll be really specific in what I post on there. Not just random poems I made, but poems that either mean something, or simply read good, or make me feel good. I'll post some of the poems from this account on there, too. Some that I really like.



Well, I'll now get to watching a movie. I hope I'll like it, even though I doubt it a little. And besides that, it's already been 3:30 in the morning again, which means only half an hour to go until I feel completely briliant and start writing things down that, in the morning, will turn out to be absolutely genious.

Ciao

I probably haven't gone through a rough time lately, because it never seems to get better. I'm okay with that now. I don't know if anyone even read the journal I posted last night, but anyone who did knows that I was pretty pissed. Frustrated by the things we need to do when we grow up. Going to college for example. I've been punching walls, but mainly tried to keep control. Got myself a beer, listened some pretty relaxing music (Iron & Wine, you should try it, awesome band) and in the end I calmed down while talking to a friend.
I've been postponing all the projects and things that I need to do, according to others.
I just don't get it. Why are we supposed to do wathever other people expect from us? Who gives them the right to decide how my life will become?

As much as I'd like to say "fuck you", I know that I somehow need them. I can't wait until I become indepentant, and I hope that things will get better. Doubt it though

I decided to just use Journalism as a subject for the project that I need to work on. It's the least annoying at the moment, but I'm sure I won't do that one either. I will try and pass my exam so that I won't have to go to school as soon as summer is over.



One other thing that I would like to note: I hate the mother of Natalee Holloway, and I hate Peter R. de Vries. I actually hope that Joran van der Sloot stays out of prison. He's a great liar and he stood vast even when everyone around him TOLD him that he was guilty. Peter de Vries is simply an arrogant motherfucker who gets all the credit for the work of an undercover dude. The ONLY thing Peter did, was putting the hidden camera's in the car.
On another note, Natalee's mother is nothing better than Joran. Joran didn't kill Natalee, and loved all the attention since he may get paid for all the troubles. Natalee's mother also loved the attention but instead of having everyone hate her, she got everyone to love her. "Oh you poor thing, I bet you are the only person in the whole world whos daughter died" (not even killed, just died from the alcohol). I mean, dude, have you seen the reaction she gave on those so-called "confession tapes"? I'll summarize: "Oh my gosh" (5 second break) "Oh my gosh" (5 secondd break) "They didn't even know". Repeat that for about 6 minutes. 6 wasted minutes in history I tell ya

I can say that if I were Joran and I knew someone who could ditch the body for me, I would've done the same. He fingered her while she was completely wasted, so actually, all he did was being present at the moment of her death. He panicked and didn't know what to do because he thought the police would think he killed her. The thing that made this case such a mediahype was the fact that the mother thought she was special because she had money. seriously, do you think Natalee was the first completely wasted girl who died of alcohol? No, of course not. I mean, dude, they used helicopters to search the whole island of Aruba. And why Oprah Winfrey had to give her opinion about Joran throwing a glas of wine in Peter's face? You tell me. All I know is that Peter is an arrogant son of a bitch who gets attention when he's right about something. ironically enough, he doesn't get much attention actually.


I hope Joran gets to live happily ever after and what happens to Natalee's mom doesn't bother me. She already got more sympathy then she could've ever wished for. rich bitch



Just one more thing: I think I may close this dA account and start a new one, or a blog. Haven't been writing stuff anyway and I doubt people are reading or checking it out these days.


Be greeted, oh my rare and bored reader!

I lied




Why do I always write such long journals?
I screwed up my second schoolexam with an average of 4 of a scale of 10
My guitar doesn't allow my fingers to touch it
The 21+ pages are currently remaining terribly empty
I want to connect this old phone of mine to my mobile one
There's too many guitars in this room
Why do I play games?
Just one more week until my next holidays
I have no words in my mouth
Fuck valentine's day, who dares to send a card on that particular day has not enough guts to send it the day after. Why should the valentine care for such a weak and sad person?
I wanna be 18

I made an end to my period of boredom. I get these period of boredom if i don't do anything exciting in weeks or months. In the end of such a period, i forget all the things that matter. all that i love. at the end of such a period i find myself doing nothing but sitting at my computer desk, not playing games, but watching television series like south park or watching movies like star wars. things that add nothing to life (even though south park sometimes does). but the thing is that at such a point i can't do anything creative because I'm shut down. I'm I don't think it can give me more satisfaction than television or the internet can.


today i, again, realised how amazing poetry can be. I cycled to the docks and smoked my first cigarette in 4 days (i had no lighter ). that cigarette felt as a releaf. the lights, the church, the river, the world. it all seemed so peaceful all of a sudden. I sat down on my bicycle and I grabbed a piece of paper and a pen from my jacked and started writing. I wrote down my thoughts. I wrote down something creative. metaphors. I even wrote a poem. i felt a high that i hadn't felt in ages (i didn't use either alcohol or any other drugs). I loved it

now I want every one of you to have a good sleep. and that sweet dreams may come over you


PS: I think I'm gonna study literature after I graduate (if i graduate). I have loved it so far. now i just need to find a first real book to read to gain some experience at the dutch way of writing

I'm not exactly inspired to write a journal but I just think I should. I haven't been doing much recently. And some of you may have noticed that. There was a time when I wrote a few poems in a week, not too long ago. But I have shut down a few weeks ago. I haven't been able to write anything, even though I have been working on my novel from time to time.



I have no urge to write my poems. No urge to write my novel. No urge to draw. No urge to write music. No urge to make music.


I know what's causing it though

One, I'm sharing my room with my younger brother. For your own information, all he does is play games. That's it. That's his life at this point. And I? I am just more of his opposite, I don't know why and how. Where I want peace and quiet and inspiration to do great artistic stuff, all he wants to turn on his computer as soon as he wakes or gets home and have maximum gaming quality or wathever. One room, two people who do very different types of things. Nope, not a good combination. I can't write, draw or make music with noises of guns, bombs and engines on the background. Sad but true


I guess I'll take the advantage from the weekends that my family spends at my dads ship. Those are the only moments in which I'm home alone. The only moments that I can do stuff I really like.


--


In further news! I have mad my homew-- wait, haven't made my homework today. I was about to. coz my mom told me she'd call up my mentor if i didn't. and that would mean that I'd get to go to detention.. again